Sunday, May 25, 2008

"An Idol Who Is Gay"

Hey Dudes Sorry for the delay in blogging. I have been busy lately.

I want to thank my readers for reading again. Really value it a LOT.I see that I am getting a lot of readers from down south. I think from Texas. And I just want to say I just have a huge thing for southern men. I think I should say for southern men too (cos in my last post, I talked about liking Midwestern men). Lol. Southern Men from the Texan city or Texan country – the whole southern gentleman and hospitality appeals to me. Actually, when you think of it – there is something attractive I find in men of every country in the world. And to the Midwest readers – Midwest men are still in my mind. lol.
Also one of my readers asked me what career it is that I want to be in? Well to that I want to say – No comment! Sorry guys, but I just don’t want to write that on here. I don’t mind that you asked, its just that I don’t want to say.

I still have some way to go to be where I want to be but I don’t want to jeopardize it when I get there. And I hope I don’t.
Now to get to my main post.
Dude, when I was growing up, there were not a lot of people that I could look up to as an idol who was gay. I mean there were but we never knew about them. The idols that I am going to talk about today are some in my time and some long before my time. So they were there but no one ever spoke about them. And even if they did – they never spoke about the gay part of them.
And when I say “an idol who was gay", I mean exactly that. I don’t mean “a gay idol” as there have been people portraying gay characters on TV for decades. But those characters were stereotypical gay – by which I mean they portrayed only effeminate men (I have nothing against effeminate men – I had to use that word as only they were portrayed). So there is a big difference between “an idol who is gay” and “a gay idol”.

When I was growing up, I only knew gay men through “slurs” and “remarks” that were said as a form of a swear word or verbal abuse. “Faggots”, “Fairies”, “Gayboi”, etc. I heard the word gay everywhere – but only in a negative way. Those words imprinted on my mind that being gay was wrong. To me, being gay was negative. Being gay was to be laughed at.

But I don’t blame the people who used it. They were not to blame.

There was never really “an idol who was/is gay” that could shine a positive light on being GAY. There was never really anyone gay that everyone could look at and say “He is cool, he is gay, so who cares, he is cool".

But I want to say that I have a lot of idols who are gay that I can look up to now. So to high school teenagers who are gay that read my blog, to young guys who are gay and to every man who is gay – I want to give you guys “an idol who is gay” to look up to. I want you guys to have them cos I did not know about them for a long time but now that I have them to look up to and it just helps me a lot. And not just one idol, dude, lots of them.

Once again, as I was growing up, I knew that I was gay. As I was growing up, I knew that I wanted to be someone famous. As I was growing up, I knew I wanted to do something great. But very soon, society stained its hatred on my mind. Soon, the whole “being gay’ part became an insecurity. I looked up for inspiration and never found “an idol who was gay”. I still had a lot of other great idols who inspired me as much and not having “an idol who was gay” would not have been the end of my life but, having “an idol who was gay” would have helped a bit more. And things did change when I was in high school and with the advent of internet, I could learn things by myself and gain knowledge of everything I ever desired to know. But, dude, little did I know that I was going to find “an idol who was gay” to look up to.

What is the stereotypical view that people have of men who are gay? What is the popular image of gay men in society? – I think the unanimous answer will be that they are “feminine”. They are “girly”. They cannot fight like men. Cannot win a duel with another man. They are weak. In the US army, the whole “don’t ask, don’t tell” system tells you that gay men are not good enough or strong enough to fight for their country. Another common misconception: They absolutely cannot be macho. They absolutely cannot chug beer. They cannot command an army. They cannot punch the hell out of mongrels that try to hurt their family and their loved ones. They cannot be the strongest and bravest man in the world.

Well, while in high school, the knowledge of this one idol changed that whole view for me. So I absolutely deny the statements made in the previous paragraph. I deny. I deny. I deny. I deny. Anyone want to challenge my view? Anyone want to ask me to prove it?

Well here it is. The strongest and greatest king in the world known to mankind and respected in the whole world is Alexander the Great. Alexander the Great was the greatest and strongest king known to mankind. He defeated all armies that came against him. He put down every man that fought against him. And (not but) And he was gay.

My history books in middle school, high school and all the other books that are in libraries talk about his glory and they talk about his strength and his courage. But none of them point out that he was gay too.

For the first time in my life, I saw this idol in a different light. He was still the greatest and strongest king to my knowledge but knowing that he was gay too, changed a lot for me. Alexander, then became “an idol who was gay” to me. For me, he shone a positive light on being gay. Although, Alexander's love story is a post for another day, I just want to mention that Alexander and his best friend, Hephaestion, were in love with each other. It is said, that when Hephaestion died, Alexander laid upon Hephaestion's body for a day and a night and finally had to be dragged off by his friends. For another three days he remained mute, in tears, fasting. Alexander saw their love as emulating that heroic love between Patroclus and Achilles, another ancient couple. They both idolised Patroclus and Achilles, for the love they shared. Alexander died eight months after Hephaestion's death, just like Achilles had followed Patroclus in the Iliad. Dude, very emotional and makes me want to cry. (Achilles was the strongest soldier in Troy. And if no one remembers, Brad Pitt played Achilles in the Hollywood movie "Troy". But they did not show that Achilles was gay in the movie. )
Ok. Where was I again? Oh ya. Lets get to my point again.

Want more idols? How about another 300 idols who are gay? I suppose everyone has watched the Hollywood film “300”. I suppose everyone has the image that those 300 men were the manliest and strongest men in the whole world. I suppose everyone looks up to them as the perfect men. Guess what? They were gay. All 300 of them. Once again, the 300 Spartans who were the strongest and bravest men in the whole wide world were gay. So, this helped me more to understand, that the stereotype of gay men being girly was wrong. The stereotype that states that gay men are “a bunch of pussies “or that “they cannot fight like men” is wrong. By now I have, 300 soldiers and king to look up to. The main reason that many people cannot come to terms with their homosexuality is because they feel that they have to conform to society’s perception of what a gay man is and adhere to that image. For me, the fact that this king and the 300 Spartans were gay (and the other idols that I will speak about) told me that I can be the strongest, manliest, bravest, most courageous, that I can fight like any other straight man, that I can be the perfect man, even though I am gay. Cos being gay is a part of me and not the whole me. Cos for those 300 soldiers and Alexander the Great, being gay was only a part of them and not the whole of them.

How about other “idols who are gay” in the recent times? What do we think about our Hollywood movie stars? The leading men in Hollywood movies? I think once again the answer will be “manly, charismatic, strong, brave, good looking, very macho and, I use this term loosely, the perfect male”. Hollywood leading men are adored by women and ordinary men look up to them. They are who every man wants to be in one way or the other. Every woman wants to be with some Hollywood movie star. They are the idols who are idolized in every single way possible.
Rock Hudson was one of the greatest movie stars of all time. He was the ultimate leading man and the most macho man/movie star in the 1950’s. He was a box office hit. He was idolized by fans all over the world. Everyone saw him as the “manliest, masculine, strong, good looking and above all the perfect man”. And he was gay too. Although he did not come out – he lived openly and most people in Hollywood knew that he was gay. He lived openly with his lover Marc Christian at his home. Rock Hudson was a movie star like today’s Tom Cruise. Knowing that Rock Hudson was gay is like knowing Tom Cruise is gay (I don’t know if Tom Cruise is gay or not, I am only trying to show how big a star Rock Hudson was). So once again, I give you another “idol who was gay” to look up to.

Another Hollywood movie star was Tab Hunter. Tab hunter was the epitome of male perfection. He was the leading man in Hollywood that can be compared to today’s Brad Pitt or Russell Crowe. He was very good looking, had a muscular body, had charisma, had talent, was all manly and portrayed characters that were extremely masculine and was a sex symbol. No one would even guess that Tab Hunter was gay. And (once again, not but) And he was gay. He came out on an interview that was broadcasted on National TV. He came out when his movie career was in its peak and he was a box office hit.

To Americans, football players are the benchmark for manliness and male perfection. They are known for being rugged and completely macho. To society, there would be no possibility of a footballer, ever, being gay. Why not? Cos, football players are the complete opposite of the stereotypical “feminine” homosexual male. And not just footballers, but society would find the idea of any sportsmen (be it a football player, baseball player, bodybuilders, basketball players) being gay, totally absurd. But I have two revered and famous sportsmen “as idols who are gay” that defy this misconception as itself being absurd. These two sportsmen are NFL player David Kopay and NBA player John Amaechi that are “idols who are gay” (they are many other famous sportsmen who are at the top of their game too, but I am only using the names of these two). They show the world that to be a benchmark of manliness and male perfection and to be a great sportsman; the required ingredient is not your sexuality. They are “idols who are gay” that are proof to society that even men who are gay can be rugged, completely macho, be the statuette of manliness and male perfection and be a great sportsman. So these two idols are also on my list. And, once again, like for all the men who are gay in the world, being gay was only a part of these two great sportsmen – it was not the whole of them. In John Amaechi’s words, “Gay people don't just look like Jack from 'Will and Grace,' and they don't want to jump your bones every occasion and some are camp and some are butch and that we're different and we're useful and we are here!"

Today, there are men who are gay working in every field. And they are not just merely working (and being counted like second class citizens), but they are at the top of their game and reigning at the highest level of every field they choose to have a career in or make a name for themselves in. There are revered and famous NBL players, NBA players, NFL players, Hollywood movie stars, TV Stars, singers, directors, producers, Mr. Universes, Mr. Olympians and everything else you can think of. Society’s view that men who are gay cannot absolutely be athletes and cannot be the best NFL player or the best NBA player– is wrong. Society’s view that men who are gay cannot possibly be the ultimate masculine man and cannot be the hot Hollywood leading man – is wrong. Dudes, and yes, being gay and a jock are compatible.

My end point is that sexuality does not define who you are, who you want to be and how great you can be in life and what your potential is. Sexuality only defines who you choose to share your bed with (or choice of surface that you have sex on and I also want to say that I have nothing against effeminate men or girly men and that by using those words I was only trying to show what the stereotype of being gay is). The idols that I have mentioned above (along with many others) have helped me to empower myself and look beyond the horizon and try and reach for the stars. I am not looking to start a revolution or drive my agenda in a parade, I just want kids, adults and all men who are gay to have “idols who are gay” to look up to when they feel insecure about themselves. I just want all men who are gay to have “idols who are gay” to look up to and remove the stains that society have imprinted on their minds.

Thanks for reading guys.

P.S. And sorry for my bad writing skills, I am not very good at writing but just wanted to get my message through. Also if anyone who is out wants to use this as an article in their high school newspaper, yearbook, college newspaper or any newspaper/magazine/book/forum or wherever – please feel free to do so. You do not need to credit me or anything and you don’t need my permission. You might just want to modify the possibly thousands of grammatical errors that I have made in this. But, if you do like my post and blog, then please add a link of my blog to your blog or website. I just want more readers. Lol. Good night dudes.


laserdoc said...

Great post. Keep up the good work.

rickisimus2 said...

Keep writing!

Grand said...

awesome post man!

i think if more celebrities were to come out, there would be less of a stigma attached to being gay. people would realize theres nothing wrong with it and theres more of us than they realize

Anonymous said...

Boy do I know how you feel man. I am a college baseball player who is totally 100% gay. I am probably going to be drafted very high in the MLB draft next month. I love sports and I love my hot studs. But I want a monogamous relationship. If you play sports and you are in college and have a good shot at going pro like myself you pretty much have to stay in the closet. I just dont do the girl thing and explain it that I have a close lady friend back home, which I do we are close friends though nothing more. I get my share of play with other guys but I am extremely discrete and very careful about who I am with.

contact me sometime

James said...

Excellent post, man. Really good. I'd never thought of Alexander the Great. I am so keeping him in mind...yeah, he's def cool.

Anonymous Blogger said...

the 300 guys were gay??? who knew? good posttt

Random Thinker said...

This was a good, poignant post. What rings true is your "And (not but) gay" line. You hit on it - one's sexuality is just a piece of who someone is, one component - not the entire definition of someone.

A good person is one who cares about others, makes a difference in other people's lives, makes the world a little bit better. And those good people can be straight, gay, bisexual, celibate, married, single, old, young, black, white, male, female, christian, jew, muslim, tall, short, blonde, brunette or bald. Go0d is good!I'll be back to check out more of your posts.

Anonymous said...

There's a lot of guys who go through this exact same thing. I know it took me until I was 25 to "deal with" being gay, because I didn't have any examples of gay guys beyond the stereotypical. Gay guys didn't watch/play sports, join a fraternity, etc. Or so I thought. Wish I had known then what I know now...

3.I. said...

Excellent post.

When we study history, we do so through the lens of our own culture. In the cultures you referenced, same sex intimacy was so common that these cultures did not even apply a label to it as we do. There was no stigma, and these men were by no means regarded as weak. In fact, same sex intimacy was often linked to warrior culture. Examples can be found in the history of Greece, Rome, China, and Japan, to name a few.

Keep up the good work! I linked you on my blog.

ex-jock said...

when i first discovered the story of alexander it had a pretty amazing effect on me, it actually let me pull through some tough times. Nobody told me bout this stuff. Man if someone that age could be so f__king tough then so could I.

also the more i looked into it i thought it was cool that Hephaestion was actually older and that many at the time it was actually considered that he was the top sexually in the relationship, not that i am a bottom.

it was also cool that there were lots of equal male-male romance love stories at that time and not just the the adult/boy stuff that mostly gets talked bout. Dont ever let the fact that u cant write hold u back, u can always find a way around that or hire someone to do it for you. Sh--t maybe u can even find a bf to put your thoughts on paper;) its more important to get your thoughts out there.

Anonymous said...

History was my MAJOR and Alexander was Bisexual until his late 20s where men his age are forced to marry women half there age.

sammy25 said...

Great insightful post! There is a book out called, I think, Confessions of Tab Hunter, and it discusses his life as a gay actor in Hollywood and how he would have to "date" women to cover up his homosexuality. I think you might like reading it.

secret blogger said...

I never got to respond to these comments so I am doing it now.

Laserdoc, rickisimus2 - thanks for the compliment. please keep reading and i will keep writing.

Grand - I understand where you are coming from but gotta understand that they have their own issues too. Its upto them how they choose to live their lives. If A-list Hollywood movie stars and sportstars come out then thats great and if they dont that is still upto them.

anonymous - I hope you do very well in your game. I would love to be friends with you. Please keep mailing and we will talk. And remember you are not obliged to come out to anyone. Its your life and you may choose. And I also think that the fact that you dont sleep with girls just to cover up is amazing. Cos it means you are not playing with some girl's feelings for your own benefit. It just makes me look upto you. And remember you can have a relationship with a grea guy even if you are not out.

James - I am glad I was able to help.

anonymous blogger - yup the 300 guys were gay. now when you watch the movie watch it differently.

random thinker - thanks for the compliment and yes it is only one part of you and not you. please keep reading and let me know what you think.

anonymous - Yes, I am glad you know now. And 25 is still a very young age - keep these idols in mind and forget the stereotypes.

3.I. - Yup you are very right. There was no label attached so it did not matter.

ex-jock - everybody needs some kind of reference point or idol to look upto - im glad knowing about alexander helped you to pull through some tough times. Now I did not know Alexander was the bottom and Hephaestion the top - I am loving this. And thanks for giving me a great idea of having a boyfriend to write stuff and get it out there - but for that I need to find a boyfriend first. lol. Or do you want to be my boyfriend and write it for me - lol. keep mailing and commenting. I have not heard from you. So mail me soon.

Anonymous - I dont think there is much difference between being gay and bisexual.

Sammy25 - I have heard about the book and i have not read but i know its great. I just dont read books that much. lol. i hope ur still reading sammy25.

Him said...

Great post. glad you told me about it.

audhal said...

Very cool post. To clarify a little, I've done research on the Spartan culture, and the relationship you mentioned between two men was often a teacher/student thing. It was seen as a symbolic passing of knowledge, that kind of thing. If you look back into Greek and Roman culture in general, men were seen as the ideal, moreso than women. The phrase "men are for pleasure, women are for babies", while crude, is accurate. Women were seen as inferior and incapable of satifying a man intellectually or sexually, and so those roles were fulfilled by other men. Check out some myths, there's a ton involving homosexual males. Apollo and Hyankinthos, while sad, is a beautiful story, and really short. Good luck with whatever you're pursuing!

Ayan said...

Who's the guy in that first PHOTO? Anyone?

Anonymous said...

I feel that when God made man he also made a woman from a man
, which means that in God eyes two men together is a sin. Now society is making excuses for want they want to do until we have God want he wants then AIDS will decrease and that goes out to the ladies too. God made a man and a woman to produce a fruitful tree not man n man or woman to woman get it together people.

Anonymous said...

I feel that when God made man he made a woman for a man not a man for a man. Until we give God what he ask then AIDS will decrease and the same for the females because God created man n woman to be fruitful how you think you were created by a man and a woman not the same sex now society really needs to get their self together. That's real talk now you name all these gay guy to model yourself after but why not Giod. He is one of the most powerful, most admired, positive role model and he is all man.

Anonymous said...

Well I feel if you were doing the right thing you eon't be in the closet pro or no pro m. Now would you?