Monday, May 19, 2008

Internet dating and the issues that come with it

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I have a movie recommendation for all of you. I saw it a while back and loved it. The name of the movie is "The Mudge Boy". Emile Hirsch stars in it. He plays a teenager who is trying to cope with his mother's death. Soon, he befriends one of the boys in the local gang and they strike a friendship and soon feelings emerge. Its a touching tale and Emile Hirsch potrays the character very well. The end is poignant and very emotional. So watch it. I loved it.

Internet dating has become very popular over the past ten years. I have tried it too. My mid-teen years were filled with nights where I played with my life by going on chat rooms and finding someone to cam with. And when I say played with my life, I really mean played with my life. I would cam with guys of every age. And when I mean cam I mean everything - including stripping, jerking off and the most stupid thing I did during those days of uncontrollable hormones were to show my face too. I mean I knew even then what I wanted to do with my life but did not think about the things that came with it like how dangerous it will be for my career if any of the guys recognise me from those camming minutes of e-passion.

Then I started to focus on my career more and I knew very well the dangers to my career if someone outed me. By this time, I had fallen deeply in love with Brody. I would not even watch porn or chat online or do anything. Cos these did not do anything for me. I dont know if thats what people feel when they are in love but that is how I felt. But then there came a point when I just had to take my mind off Brody, so I started going online again. I would chat to random guys and then for the first time in my life, I organised to meet a guy. He was a teenager like me, then.

The day came when we were supposed to meet. And when the hour came, I was a nervous wreck. I did not what to do and kept coming up with reasons as to why I should not meet up with him. I kept telling myself about the risks to my career, what if someone found out and everything else. Then I started feeling guilty about how mean it would be to do this to someone. My consciene kicked in and it kept asking me how I would feel if someone stood me up. So I decided I would still go. I would only meet him once and that would be it. I went and looked around and then as I was looking this guy looks at me and hellos at me. I looked at him and smiled, perplexed.

This was no teenager. This was no guy from the picture. The guy in the picture was good looking, slim, long blond hair and a shaped jaw. Well the guy out of the picture looked nothing like the picture, had teeth that were all yellow and brown al decaying, had hair that were long but really bad and was really chubby as in double or treble the size of the guy in the photo. Dont get me wrong I never judge people on their looks but this was different cos the guy committed a cardinal sin in internet dating world by misrepresenting himself.

Me being the usual me, did not want to be mean to the guy and scar him by yelling as loud as I could, starting to run for my life not looking back for the sake of my sanity. So instead I let myself be scarred mentally by agreeing to go get lunch. Then he looks at me and tells me that I look like my photo and I tell him that he looks like his photo too. Im sure he must be thinking "wot an ass". Then we talked for a bit and then walked for five minutes during which he tried to hold my hands. But I just took it as far away from his reach as I could. The whole time my heart was shaking, I was scared and I knew I would need some kind of therapy after this thing was over. Then I told him that I had to go somewhere so had to leave. I said bye and left.

Then I walked normally................................then walk-ran.....................then ran..................then ran for my life..................then ran faster than the wind. I knew I was scarred for life and would never recover from this.

Over the years, I have found myself trying it out when I have felt lonely. Whenever it has gotten painful, I have tried it. But, trust me, I have never met any of these internet guys in person after that one time where I ran for my sanity. But I have chatted to guys with the hopes of maybe finding someone.

But the truth about internet dating is that you mostly only meet guys who want to have sex with you than get to know you. Its full of guys who have their dick picture as their profile pic. And seriously, the pick up line "How big is your dick?" has never been so overused. I mean for a guy who is 15, 16, 17 and even 18, the lines and the "dick profile pic" would be a great way to get off on. I mean I loved it. At that age, any kind of internet nudeness was great. But for people older than that, its just weird and really not right.

Recently, I tried the whole internet dating thing again. Like I told you guys, I have taken a semester off cos I was ill and after the whole Kristiano episode, I just needed to get my mind off him. And this time I got more daring, stupidly. I mean I even put my photo up. I tried a couple of sites and put my photos up everywhere. But as I was looking for something meaningful, I made sure my "about me" section was very to-the-fact. I wrote about my personality and who I was as a person and what I was looking for. And to avoid people with dick pics - I wrote that I was not looking for just sex and was more interested in friendship and getting to know and then maybe something more and I also wrote that I was not interested in looking at dick pics and did not have nude photos so there was no point asking. And any offers even from super hot guys loin for just sex was to be ignored. And so I did. Needless to say I did not get a lot out of this but I did get three friends around my age who were amazed by the fact that I was not asking for their nude photos and just wanted to be friends. So I was not disappointed. Within a few days I removed my pics off the sites.

All I got was getting my mind off of Kristiano but that was good enough. I even told Kristiano how I was going to do what I did with girls and date five guys at a time and just blow my mind away with sex. He told me that even though I would like it at first but it would make me feel terrible cos I would feel like a whore inside.

Well I have stopped internet dating. Also, another confession, I went on craigslist and wrote about what I was looking for. But I did not post my pic up here. Soon enough I got responses sex-for-now was the main agenda. Lol. When I would send pics through email to prospective guys who contacted me through craigslist - they would offer to pay me for sex. Some of them even offered to even be my supposed sugar daddy. I turned down the offers. Period. Who do they think I am - a male gigolo or a paid whore? But I guess, putting myself on craigslist would only get me that.

I am scared that people might later claim that they saw my pics posted online but I have already thought up things to say to prove it was not me. Lol.
I mean I know you guys might think that I am lame to try internet dating and put "looking for friendship and getting to know" instead of "looking for sex now" as being ridiculous. I also know that you might be thinking why dont I just meet guys in real life instead of internet dating but cos of the reasons I have explained before and in my first post - I am scared of being outed. And I have worked very hard to get somewhere in the career I want to pursue so I dont want to jeopardise it for casual sex.

So have you guys ever tried internet dating? What was it like? Good or bad? And do you guys think I am the stupidest guy for putting "only looking for friendship and getting to know you" instead of "sex now" in my profile when I had one? I must be right? So if you have any internet dating stories that you do not want to put on my comment box but want to share it with me then send it
Also thanks to the guys who have sent me their pictures. I have put them on the top. Although I doubt that some of them might be taken from other sites online. But thanks anyways. Also thanks to some dude who sent me his self taken picture - semi nude and was very very hot. You asked me to not post it so I have not. But you know who you are and dude, dont worry your bf will be bk soon and dont be insecure cos you are HOT. Please keep the pictures coming. The email is mentioned already.


Grand said...

that dude you met sounds disgusting! do they really think somethings gonna happen when they're so far from their "pic"?

you mind i ask, what career path you're looking at?

Anonymous Blogger said...
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Anonymous Blogger said...
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Anonymous Blogger said...

you and I are so alike, except I have never gone as far as you, and as for you calling yourself stupid, I dont think you are. We have a lot in common. keep posting!

oh and i sent you an email. but i think the email you have on this post is mispelled cause it wouldn't let me send you anything, so I had to back track onto an older post to get your email.

just a heads up

haliaeetusguys said...

Well, sounds like the guy you met gave you a reality check. There is a lot of interesting stuff on the net but also a lot of nonsense. You've got to look after yourself. Hope you learned something out of all this!

Speaking of pics, I've seen some profiles where a photo of a really good-looking guy was used. Only I'd seen these photos on other profiles and elsewhere. Automatically sends up a red flag!

About the movie, the Mudge Boy, I've got the dvd and seen it a few times. Each time I've seen it, I've seen something that I may have missed the last time round. There are a lot of very interesting fims out there. This is just one of them.

Have a great weekend when you get there! - Volker

rickisimus2 said...

Hi dude!

I had some internet datings and I met some friends and two or threee partners. Then, in general it was a very good experience.

Before dating I tried to say a lot of times "I'm looking for friends" although some times (a few) the friends became in boyfriends.

James said...

You are NOT stupid for putting that in the line. What a dumb thing for someone to say when you've clearly specified otherwise.

No, no online dating for me. I'm too old-fashioned, lol. I do have a lot of friends on IM, though, which is at least a good way to get to know new people.

Well, look at it this way. In the end you know you have future "employment" if you want it. :P

secret blogger said...

hey james - love the old fashioned way myself. Good to hear that there are still old fashioned guys around.

I dont get what you mean by future employment? explain dude - employment?

James said...

Lol, sry man. It was a totally bad joke. I was referring to the offers for money in exchange for sex. I was just being, don't go out and sell your body. :P

secret blogger said...

haha very funny - happy? thats ok dude - i get the joke now - lol - i dont think my dignity will let me - lol.

squeak said...

Hey Secret :)

Well I have only done one internet dating thing and its turned out to be a hook-up. But when I explained to the guy that I just wanted to be friends he was very understanding.

So I guess the point here is that people (even "SexNOW" people) all have feelings and can be understanding.

I think it is great that you put up "looking for friendship" type posts.

Lugonn said...

Yes, my comments here are way out of date. I just found this blog and I was intrigued so I went back to the beginning. I will likely make responses that are out-of-date - oh well.

The Mudge Boy was an expanded version of an earlier short film, "Fishbelly White". You can find "Fishbelly White" on the DVD Boys Life 5 - a collection of gay short films. On that same DVD, I think you might also be interested in "Dare". One of the boys in "Dare" is rich and popular and a nerdy boy has a crush on him, and it turns out the popular boy who everyone *knows* is straight, may not be all that straight after all.

Speaking of DVDs, I think you'd relate to the character of John Dixon in the quite good movie Get Real.

Since you liked Emile Hirsch, you may be interested in these (now old) rumors of him possibly being gay. I read what you said about you dislike of printing rumors about the sexuality of famous people, but it's too late for this rumor.

There is absolutely no reason to feel stupid for being honest about what you want. Even if many/most gay internet ads relate to sex, some want more. And it is correct to ask for what you want.

I've had two romances where we met online, but we met online in non-hookup places where we had common interests and then over time we became romantically involved. The second was with my current boyfriend of nearly two years. So it can happen.