Friday, May 30, 2008

Old feelings or can of worms.......................

Hey dudes! I have gotten a lot of mail from readers and I want to thank you all for that. Also the comments are great - and me being the comment-whore - I love it. I love the long mails you guys send to me. I have replied to a lot of them but I still need to reply to more. I will get to them asap. Believe me, I always reply to every single one of your emails. And whatever you mail to me - is only going to stay with me and I will never tell your names to anyone. So please feel free to ask me anything and tell me anything you want to. Once again my mail address is secretblogin@gmail.com.

Im sure most of my readers still remember Kristiano (If not please look at my older posts, cos I dont know how to make links, lol). Well after the last time that I saw him which was nearly three weeks ago, I decided not to ring him anymore. Cos everytime I go and see him, I open this can of worms. Although we have decided to stay best friends - I find it hard cos sometimes feelings empower me. I mean I thought I was completely ok but then during his surgery I just started caring so much as a best friend - that a part that was before opened up again. So I decided to stop ringing him. And after two days, I was completely ok and I stopped thinking about him.

So it had been about three weeks and I got an email from him on facebook on monday. He asked me how I was doing and where I was and wanted me to call him. So instead of calling him on monday itself, I called him yesterday. He had some visitors so he could not speak for long.

Ring Ring

Kristiano: Hello.

Me: Hey Kristiano.

Kristiano: OH HEY!

Me: Hey how are you?

Kristiano: Im good. Where have you been? Why did you disappear like that?

Me: I was busy.

Kristiano: Why would you just disappear like that? Are you still in the city?
Me: Ya.

Kristiano: Well then I will see you when you drop by tomorrow.

Me: What do you mean?

Kristiano: I mean you are going to drop by tomorrow. And we will talk then.

Me: Haha. Ok. Can you talk right now?

Kristiano: No I have visitors.

Me: I will call you later.

Kristiano: Ok late though. Like after 12.

Me: Ok.

So I tried ringing him at night around 12 but was late so could only ring around 1. I think he must have fallen asleep cos he did not pick up. So I just went to sleep. And today I went to see him around 5. He had changed a bit. I know its only been three weeks but I think he had changed a bit. I had recently watched a movie with a gay theme and loved it. So I took the same movie for him.
Then we hung out a little bit. And chatted. I still give him hell for being a sex maniac. We kept talking about stuff old and new. He wanted to know about what was going on in my life as I had not rung for three weeks or so. I told him that I had been partying a lot and going on road trips and on his side, he told me that he was getting better. He should be discharged soon and I am really happy for him. We both joked around a lot.
Today, it felt good. Cos the old feelings did not come rushing back. I saw him as a best friend. It felt good this way. We just kept joking about old stuff and new. He told me that he was going to a benefit event next week so he was getting his suit ready. Then I told him that I wanted to tell him something that I had started but was not sure if I could trust him. Then he forced me to tell him. I was talking about this blog.

I did not tell him, just yet. Then I asked him if he had deleted all the ims from his computer. And he said he had. And then I told him that I find it very hard to trust people. And that I was afraid that if I ever become someone - he would tell everyone about us. He said he would never do that. I trust him but its just hard for me to trust people easily. I told him that if I told him about this thing I had started (this blog) he was going to tell everyone about it someday. He told me that he would not. I guess I trust him. So I told him that I had started a blog and that it was anonymous and that it talked about the part of me that is gay. Then he wanted me to tell him the name of it and when I said I would not he said he would find it out. I told him that he would not be able to. Then I told him that two posts were about him and then he said he had to know cos I had written about his personal information. I told him that I had not given out any of his personal information and I had changed his name too. Kristiano demanded that I tell him cos I had talked about him and more importantly, us. So I told him not to flatter himself cos he was written about in two posts only. He laughed. Kristiano kept nagging me to give him the link to the blog and I totally refused. I told him that this blog was one area where I could talk about anything I wanted to and the only place where I could talk freely about the part of me that is gay. So I told him that I could not tell him about it. Then we talked more and then I left.

And guess what I only see him as a best friend. I am afraid that the can of worms known as feelings might open up again. But if I can forget Brody, then I can forget anyone. So Im not worried at all. And I feel completely fine.
This was just a quick blog, dude. I will try and blog more often. And once again to all my readers, I want you to mail me about anything. Also if you have photos of men flexing or yourself flexing in front of mirrors then send them to me. You dont have to show your face if you dont want to and I will not show your name unless you want me to. Also if you have any frat party photos, baseball party or football party photos then send them to me. Im not a perv - I just want to have some photos to put on here. lol. And yes love photos of men. lol. But I dont want to post dick pics on here. So please dont send dick pics. Thanks to all my readers again.

3 comments:

Anonymous Blogger said...

aw, I'm glad that you and special K, (haha I'm just going to call him special K cause his name is hard to spell), are talking. And I am glad that you are getting over him.

best wishes. talk to you soon! I've been real busy.

Michael said...

I can understand how hard it is to get back to speaking with people you haven't talked to in a looooong time...the hardest is the initial step and figuring out what to say in the midst of the awkwardness...but its awesome that you guys could remain best friends after being that close with each other!

James said...

that's hard goin man. yeah, getting over someone is difficult. i'd even say it's really impossible, you will always love that person for the qualities they have. but it's difficult to move from intimate to just friends.