Sunday, July 13, 2008

Once Upon A Time - Part 2 - Somebody Knocks And Comes In

Like I had said earlier, I don’t remember exactly what happened after the hand holding. But there were many more moments on its way. Moment that would stay and live on and make life know the meaning of beautiful moments.

Brody and I had gone into another level or zone, from where we saw no one else while we were in each other’s presence. I mean we were still the same kids but something had changed.

We started looking and staring at each other more. There would be times when we would look at each other, say nothing and just smile. We would be with friends and he would always make it a point to say something about me and make me the center of attention and this could be anything from cracking a joke about me to just making comments or complimenting me. And once during one of our classes, Brody said something about him being okay with having sex with guys. And my ears pricked up. I looked at him and asked, “Oh my god, so Brody you would sleep with a guy?”. And without a care in the world, he said, “Ya, if he is hot”. I somehow felt like this answer was for me, but I think it was in my head. And no one even said anything when he said this. Then there was those other times, when he would grab me from behind and just pick me up. Then there was this time, when I was seated on a chair in my class and he walked up to my table and pressed his knuckles on my table and looked at me. I pretended not to notice him. But smiled. Then he looked at the boxer band popping out of my jeans and commented on the brand. I just smiled. The there was this other time, when we were to be in groups to do something together. Brody asked me to be in his group. I went and sat at his table. Then he started flirting with me. His other friends smiled too. Then he was sitting with his top pant buttons undone and his boxers were showing. And he said, “Jake”. I looked at him and then he pointed towards his boxers and smiled. I smiled too. And I shook my head. These things happened a lot.

A door had been opened in my heart and Brody was the one who had knocked. There was only one room in this heart and Brody had occupied it. I don’t know what I was experiencing but it felt a lot like love. I felt happy when I saw him. His eyes would twinkle when he saw me. And things kept going on.

Feelings started to take over and I was drowning in it. I would ring Brody and not speak at all and hang up. Yes, I withheld my number as I did this. And I would hear his voice and hang up. Then one day I decided to text him and ask what he was up to. He told me that he was going shopping with some his friends. I asked him to have fun . Then later during the night I sent him an sms again and asked him how shopping went and he smsed back saying it was good. Then later during the night, I sent him an sms saying goodnight. I mean this was so long ago that I don’t even remember if he sent a response or not. And seriously I cannot believe I did that.
The next day came and I went to school as usual. We were in our class together and joking with each other as usual. And the whole class was involved as usual. And the teacher was involved too, as usual. But today was to be different. Brody decided to say something about the texts last night. And I think he told everyone that I was in love with him or something along those lines. I mean I don’t remember the events that took place in detail but, I remember bits and pieces. Like flashes. I remember that he mentioned the texts. Then he implied that I loved him or something. Then I think I was completely mortified. Then I remember denying it. He took out his phone and said he could prove it. And Im not sure if he showed them the text messages or not. Then people started implying that I was gay. Then people started raising their eyebrows and talking on the top of their voice. They said that I was in love with Brody. Something in my chest hurt. I felt betrayed and my heart was aching. I looked at Brody and vowed to hate him for the rest of my life. I knew I would never speak to him.

I wanted to hate him. I wanted to forget him, throw him out of my heart and lock the door so he would never get back in. I don’t remember what happened after this class. But I remember being hurt and something was burning and I felt it.


dpstam said...

it must hurt you to write about it, but hopefully getting it out will make you feel better.

maybe brody told the class about the text messages because he wanted to show that love between two boys IS possible. it sure seems like he was into you.

i know you're not done with telling the story so i'll stop right there. i look forward to what happened next! take care.

Anonymous said...

cool story, but kinda cheesy. sounds like brody can't be trusted

RandomCommenter said...

Woah. Talk about mixed messages. Can't wait to read what I assume is a 3rd part. Keep it coming.

j said...

that little punk was probably afraid of his own feelings for you so he threw you under the bus to get the pressure off of himself. lord knows i've been in the same situation. but i'm not as forgiving as you are...

Grand said...

man i loved the beginning of the post but then end is such a bummer. what a shitty thing to do

secret blogger said...

Thanks for all your responses.

dpstam - it does not hurt me to write it cos it was way back. and when he said it - he said it with a smile - he did not say it in a bad way like "you freaking faggot" and all that. he had a smile and he just said about the texts.

anonymous - im sorry if you did not like the style. this is my love story and i have found most great movies about love stories to be cheesy so decided to follow suit. I will give you a sneak peek - Brody is the one of the very few people I totally trust. And I only trust three people in the whole world.

randomcommenter - mixed messages definitely - tune in for more.

j - I definitely think so too. you gotta tell me about what happened in yours and why were you so unforgiving. probably email me the story. would love to read.

grand - this is not the end yet - there is more to come. tune in for more.

Dudes tune in for more. I love all your comments and it means a lot to me.

borg_queen said...

Give Brody a break, guys. They were just kids with raging hormones.

dan said...

sup pop dude!... hey great post, reminds me of my college crush who was all sort of super sweet and mind game leading me on in private, and around others he was pretty much a jerk but the private times kept me tagging along, anyway, obviously way different situation... keep the posts coming. and get well soon stud. later.

secret blogger said...

thanks for your comments dudes - loving them and keep em coming.

borg_queen: thanks for standing up for Brody. x

Dan - my Brody was sweet in private and in public too - this was just a few times and like i said even then he did not say it in a harsh way. i need to hear the whole story with urs. x

-elNinjaDiablo- said...

Oh man

I just started reading all this - linked from someone who linked from someone who left me a comment - and I can't help but suspect that this Brody story is not going to have a happy ending.

I hope it's something which can be regarded as still playing itself out, that the last chapter hasn't necessarily been written.

Good luck, dude

Michael said...

Wow that is really mean that he did that to you. It's weird you guys got so close and the guy even held your hand.....and then he tried and out you in front of your class. wow.

are things between you guys better now or still pretty shaky?

secret blogger said...

Response to your comments -

-elNinjaDiablo- - Yes, there is still more coming so please read on.

Michael - I will give you a sneak peek - Brody is the one of the very few people I totally trust. And I only trust three people in the whole world. There are more parts coming so tune in for more.

swscratch said...

More people than we care to believe have similar stories, but hearing you tell yours makes it sound all the more compelling. I can certainly relate to some aspects. You tell a great story - just enough detail to suck you in and wanting more. Keep it up!!

secret blogger said...

response to comments -

swscratch - thanks for the compliments dude. i am just opening a part of my heart that is normally not known - so yes keep reading and that part of my heart is yours. would love to hear ur story too sometime. mail me story if you want.

Hypnos said...

Oh My God... So unbelievable... That first part was amazing, that will never happen to me with D (my Brody) :(

James said...

intense :'(

as said...

Hey happy birthday ya. Omg man you're just a year older than me.