Thursday, July 24, 2008

Once Upon A Time - Part 4 - Will You Go To The Prom With Me?

I heard something.....................Did you say something?

No............................................. Why? - did you hear something?

My heart shook and shuddered....................... What was I getting myself into?

Is it going to be safe? I don’t know....................................

Is it going to hurt? Maybe................................................

Should I let my self be this way? Maybe not...............................................

But Im sinking. And don’t know why.....................but I don’t want to be rescued....................cos for the first time, sinking feels good, dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did not know if I should change schools or not. But I knew I did not want to leave this school. I had changed so many schools during my lifetime and left so many friends and I was tired of it. I had felt the hurt of missing the best friends I had left, a bit too many times, and so I knew how I would feel if I left this one too. So I did not want to leave these best friends. And I was the kid with the tag, you know the tag of “the hottest and most popular kid”, leaving this school would mean that I would have to go to a new school and try and get that kinda reputation again. And , the main reason was that, my Brody was here. I did not wanna leave him. So I guess my decision was made. But there was still the exams to get over with.

I remember the time when I was sitting in a room in the library and revising and Brody came with some of his friends. We talked and before he left, he asked me “Jake, you wanna come with us?” I said, “Yes” and went with him. We both smiled. Then I went with him and the other dudes to this other room inside our school and we started revising together. I was asking him questions and he would ask me questions back. Sometimes I would ask him a question and he would not know the answer and then would look at me with a puzzled look and would look so cute.

I remember the first time Brody sort of like asked me to be in his group. Brody and I am in the same group. And our group is the most popular group at school. And Brody was the one who took me into this group. Most schools I have been in, I was always in the most popular group. I always loved that feeling of being with my boys. The sense of belonging to a certain group always feels good. It becomes like a fraternity. And we were the alpha males of our high school. During the first days of being in the group, Brody and me would go out with all our boys from the group, together to the town center and places. And Brody would always walk next to me. He would not say anything, he would just smile and look down and I would do the same.
He did not have to say anything, cos I heard it. It was his way of saying, “Don’t worry , I am here with you”. And I felt safe. Going into a new group at first is always intimidating. And Brody made sure I felt good and safe.
Once there was this time, when I was waiting outside of the examination hall with all the other kids. I was leaning against the wall and talking to a friend of mine and Brody arrived. He stood right in front of me, looked at me and smiled. He said nothing. I heard something. I smiled and said, “Hi!”. He said, “Hi!” too. Then he just kept looking at me. There were other kids around us so I started talking to them but his eyes were looking straight at me. I felt it and could see but pretended to be responding to the other dudes too. Then I said, “Oh I forgot to bring my pencil, does anyone have one?”. Another dude started taking a pencil out and Brody took his out too. Without saying a word, I took the one Brody was holding. I smiled and he smiled. Said nothing. But I felt the need to. And I said, “Thank You”. The other guy just looked at Brody and put his pencil back in. Then it was time to get into the hall and use that pencil. And use it to write but I could not take my mind off of something that had been written in my heart, just a while ago. The moment played over and over in my heart and left its mark. A scar. But a beautiful scar. That moment plays on till today.

Somedays, I would be working away on my paper trying to give the right answer. Suddenly, I would feel the right urge to turn around and look. And my Brody would be sitting behind me and our eyes would meet and he would wink at me.
Then there was this one day, where I felt really embarrassed or shy cos Brody was feeling the same thing. We all had entered the hall and were seated to begin the exam but Brody was late, which I think was planned. He walked in late and started looking for his seat but as they are changed everyday he could not find the one with his name on it. You see, the art known to attention-seekers are very well timed and even a few seconds long or short can ruin it. As everyone was already seated and he was late, instead of the normal satisfied attention-seeker expression, he was embarrassed cos it was taking him a long time to find his chair and it was very evident on his face. And I felt embarrassed too cos he was embarrassed. Is it not weird, I was sharing his emotion.
Sometimes, after our exams we would just go and hang out around town or get ice-cream. This one day we were having lunch at McDonalds and as Brody was organizing a prom, he was checking the list of people that were coming. Then he asked the question, “Do you want to go to the prom with me?”.
And he smiled. I looked at him. Shivered. I looked at him again. My heart started beating faster. I looked into his blue eyes. And I laughed, you know, the flirtatious one. I answered him.............and you, my dudes, will soon know what my answer was.


dan said...

you tease! ha ha
so I'm thinking two hot dudes show up at the prom and........

dpstam said...


i can't fucking wait! make it good :)

hope you're doing well!

Michael said...

You.....fucking.....betch. lol

j said...

uhm, what was the point of this post... haha

Anonymous said...

so cheesy.

Hypnos said...


JohnnyCloverman said...

Hey Jake...Walsor! How's it going? Well, my last name's not really Cloverman...unless one of my ancestors is actually a leprechaun. Where's me pot o' gold?Things are good today, I guess.
No Canadians are rude and overbearing...unless their politicians and/or intoxicated. I'm neither, of course. In some way, I'm not Canadian at all...:P
Hey.."youthage" is from 16-24, not 18-24. I'm guessing math isn't your strongsuit...:O Nah, sometimes it's difficult to remember revolutionary concepts...:P
I agree that in the end, a guy is a son, brother, friend, etc. I sometimes wonder why sexuality is such a big issue. If you enjoy time and conversation wiht a friend, that's not considered to be any kind of sexual attraction. But you're attracted to the mind and to a certain extent, the physical presence of your friend.
For those who are good people and have good friends, the point of friendship is to support the friend and make him/her happy, but also pointing out what's right and wrong.
Now we have "friends with benefits" running around, but the people aren't really friends. They focus on the sexual aspects too much.
Sexual attraction is distinguished from friendhsip because of...genital excitement, lol. The pleasure you get from just being with a friend can be even more exciting, though.
The reaction of our reproductive systems may be the shallow version of love (of friends, family, and so on). that is, we come to desire the body, not the mind/soul of the person.
So, "some" of us may lust after best friends (whoever those "some" may be), but the body can be easily blamed.
If people feel like they have no choice over their desires, they're only right if they don't learn the root of their desires.
For example, a guy who has a fetish over dolls will claim that he has no control. Perhaps, he'll even claim that he was "born" that way. So the only way for him to beomce sexually aroused is for a doll to be in the vicinity, maybe in some sleazy outfit (whoever this guy may be...not any Canadian I know).
If we look back to his childhood, there could be tons of reasons why dolls turn him on. Usually it's because there was some sort of abuse (well, obviously..thanks CSI and The Cell).
Attraction to the opposite sex and same sex could also be a fetish. It would surely make you who you are. All the things that have happened during childhood are ingrained in our subconscious.
So maybe we saw this beautiful woman when we were children and she made us happy. The body may retain that memory and then when puberty hits, our subconscious will desire to find someone like that.
They say mothers are a boy's first love, lol. Friggin' Freud. Maybe for same sex attraction, the same sex made you feel good and safe.
Then again, you could go into New Age philsophy and then it was because you were a woman in a past life, so your attraction to men has continued into this life or if you're a woman, your attraction to women could be because of your past life as a man.
I don't think there is something "inheritantly" wrong with attraction. To experience life, we will interact with all sorts of things.
However, I think ht epoint I'm trying to make is that we could be more than our desires. A kid can love candy to no end, so his mission should be to overcome it.
Maybe someone surfs the Net too much. He/she becomes a zombie and doesn't interact with friends and family. His/her mission should be to be aware of others in real life.
It's like those stories of fathers overworking and not being able to talk to their children or spouses. They're so absorbed in work, they don't know how to interact with "those people back home".
There are so many obstacles in life, most probably created by our own traps. However, they're all worth it because we can learn from them.
We consider an abuser of any kind a "bad" person if they don't choose to come clean and change their ways.
What then, are average people who abuse their own desires? Overworking, being greedy, polluting the Earth without thought, sleeping around (and bring disease to the body), and so on.
We can call a serial killer disturbed and evil, but we shouldn't be too quick to judge. Sure, he may be doing the wrong things...harming "innocent" victims, but what exactly do we do?
Most people our age do at least one of the following things:

Pop pills

All of these harm the body. If we harm ourselves we will then harm others. All of them are obvious. Sex because of disease and gambling because od addiction which leads to exhaustion, greed, debt, etc.
And so, ladies and gentlemen, who we are in life (and wherever else when life's over), is more than our desires. We can surely be content/excited by things in life, but unless they benefit others, they may be quite damaging.
We can see a hot person and what to get skanky and hook up with them on the spot, but I think we need to step back and wonder why we want to do this.
I think we need to step back and wonder why we do anything, without the feeling of helplessness and perhaps even suicidal feelings...but the observation and then integration of a positive outcome system.
Easier said than done, but we got our whole life to figure it out. Some don't even have much time. My last questions in this message to you is whether or not our wills can overcome our ignorance and our desires and whether or not we should do so?

Thanks for reading.

Johnny Cloverman

JohnnyCloverman said...


Ed said...

Dude, this is seriously addictive with your built-in cliff hangers and all. If your secret career doesn't work out, you should think about being a writer for TV since you certainly have a knack for the craft.

Can't wait to read all about it, and keep them coming!

danny boy said...

I hate teases, but i'm sure you're worth the wait ;)

David said...

OMG i just read your update.


so did you say YES?! PLEASE tell me you said yes!! how cute!

can't wait for the next part! nice pictures. they contribute to your story very well. I can see why it takes you multiple days to make a new post.

take care! *hug*

Troubled said...

I cant wait to hear the next part!! I hope all goes well! The pictures in the stories are really nice and so cute! :P

Random Thinker said...

You should be a TV writer. I think Desparate Housewives could use you - perhaps then Andrew might have a beter storyline.

Anyway, keep up the posts, something tells me you're going to end up with 10 or 20 posts in this series.

Ed said...

Wow, what a beautiful story and thanks for sharing it with all of us! I particularly like the description where you were embarrassed because Brody was as well- sounds like you two had a deep connection. Maybe it does pay to play the friend card first? I dunno...

Hope to chat again when you aren't so busy- take care

Hypnos said...

Amazing! And the answer is... ? :) lol, it sounds so unbelievable for me but still so amazing

haliaeetusguys said...

And so you answered "yes" and went to the prom? Lovely story! Hope to read more. - Volker

Shane said...

Aww ... how lovely.
Story actually made me smile.

James said...

Oh, you are such a hopeless romantic. It makes my heart happy. :)

Oh come on!? A cliffhanger!? Grrr...

secret blogger said...

response to comments dudes -

dan - yup a big tease here! lol. so i hope u have read the story. hope u like it.

dpstam - i hope i have made it good for you. and you will just have to wait and find out if i said yes or not.

michael - dont call me bitch bitch - lol.

j - the point of this post was exactly the point I made. hope u liked it.

anonymous - ok so im getting a few comments calling my story "cheesy" - like i said - i want it to be cheesy cos most of the great romantic love stories are - and if you are a man with balls - then put your name down when you comment - dont comment as anonymous cos it shows you dont have the guts to say it like a man.

JohnnyCloverman - hey buddy - wots up? - im good. i love leprechauns and so if you are one then thats awesome. Math was never my strong suit at all - i did not like it and dont want to see it and hate that i have to use it in university for my core subjects. I think if our will is strong enough then yes we can overcomne any kind of ignorance or desires. if we should do so or not - i think depends on the specific ignorance or desire in question. i dont think all desires are bad - there are some good ones and some bad ones. i hope that answers your question. i also haved loved everything you have said. have u read this part yet? let me know dude. x

ed - thanks for the compliments. and i love that you love my story. x

danny boy - i hope i was worth the wait. x

troubled - tune in for more. and thanks for the compliments. x

random thinker - thanks for the compliments. i too think that andrew could do with a better storyline. tune in for more. x

hypnos - im glad u like my story dude - God has someone planned for everyone. so there is someone out there for you. x

ed - i am glad u like the story. and love is friendship set on fire. so mine and Brody's love was friendship set ablaze. and when i was chatting to you my battery had died. sorry. lets chat soon dude. x

haliaeetusguys - dude i am glad u like the story - lets see what my answer tune in for more. x

shane - i love that my story made u smile. x

james - yup im a hopeless romantic. and im glad my story made u happy. tune in for more. x

JohnnyCloverman said...

Hey's it hanging? Eh, these commentators are interesting. It's as if this is some sort of Daytime Soap and they're all on their sofas eating bonbons.
My theory of "Geeky Girl's Fantasy" seems to be on the right track. The most recent post you made makes me feel as if you're catering to these guys who're avid fans. Well, except for 'anonymous', he seems to be allergic to cheese. And "j"'s so addicted he didn't want any announcements, just the full post.
Not to dis any of your readers, of course. This is supposed to be your life, isn't it? Not some fictionalized version or fantasy?
I think it sounds like two people really enjoying each other's company. From what I've observed in real life, there's usually one person enjoying the friendship more than the other. Usually if a guy has a girlfriend, his friends fluctuate in importance. Being best friends may be a different story.
How are things like now? Talk to you soon.


secret blogger said...

Response to comments -

JohnnyCloverman - haha dude its upto you if the whole geek girl fantasy works for ya. be my guest and just think of it. but i know who i am. this is my life and im telling it to you guys how i have felt it. im just letting a part of my heart beat that normally does not. now its upto you how u want to see it. and im someone who likes to be listened to when i speak. i am someone who likes to be checked out by people. so i guess i am using these cliff hangers and stuff to make sure my readers keep reading. the part of my heart that normally suffocates is breathing in this blog. so read if you want to. its upto you.

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

No fair .. you shouldn't leave us hanging like that!!! :P ....

JohnnyCloverman said...

Hey Jake. How are you doing? Oh no, I didn't mean it like that...:P Actually, I'm sure the others on here would enjoy some more drama. They'd all gang up on me, lol, in an "unpleasurable" way. Anyway, I do like your honesty.
I'm not always the best guesser, but it sounds as if you're looking for more than an audience. You said in one of your entries that you enjoy flirting with anyone...and everyone.
Then again, you also said that if you exposed yourself, it would have "repercussions" for your family. (I don't think those are your exact words, but that's the gist of it)
What I've learned over these last 21 years is that you need to understand others but also understand yourself. I've chosen to be with family rather than be away from them. So instead or running around having fun (for the most part), I concentrated on family but tried to keep some normality by going out here and there.
Regret is a pain in the arse, if you can't rationalize things like I do. I think my life would be much different if I did make different choices, but the choices I did make seem to have been the right ones. It may not have been the funnest ones, naturally.
In a way, if you don't tell those who are closest to you your so-called "secret", the "Reaction" they'll have in the future won't be pretty...well, probably not anyway.
Even now their reaction won't be great, if they're against it. But you must be honest with people or else, to a certain extent, you'll be overly frustrated inside. If you think you're just going through a phase, lol, as the textbooks like to say, then of course you can see where it goes.
I think, though, after a while people tend to realize that they are consistently attracted to the same or opposite sex. Is it really a big deal? For the average human it appears to be. Apparently, mating habits are still important.
It's like those guilty pleasures people have. Maybe people actually like Lindsay Lohan's music (who's suddenly become lesbian), but would never reveal that to friends or even family.
You've left a lot of your life outside of these blogs, so your readers will only know the "secret" side of you that deals with your sexuality.
Those who knows you in real life may miss out on this piece of you. If they happen to not accept it, does it actually matter?
To have a philosophical/spiritual/religious perspective to this, let's imagine that once your life was completed, you would review it. Everything that happened was looked over thoroughly.
So your fear is that your secret will ruin things for others and probably for your own self. I don't think honesty...true honesty ever ruined anything. I don't mean the "Oh I'd love to kill my neighbour" honesty, but the "I'm trying to understand my life's purpose honesty and why I am the way I am and how I can change".
Sexuality is just a small portion of who we are in life. But ever piece counts. To make the right choice also counts.
If we look back on life and wonder why we didn't do this or that, it should be because we chose a better alternative.
It's like national security and everyone keeping secrets so the "enemy" doesn't know what "we're" up to. That only causes more strife and turmoil.
Like I was trying to get at with the other posts, everyone is more than just the everyday qualities we generally propogate. Maybe someone else you know needs your help, but because they only see one side of you, they're afraid to share their own secret.
The secrets we have may seem ridiculous once we look back on things. Who we thought we were and the importance of having a specific "identity" is equally "meh". We follow trends so we can have some level of comfort, but we're actually very uncomfortable. Why be uncomfortable?

Essay 1.003

David said...

wow johnny cloverman's comment was really thought provoking!

hope you are doing well and update soon :)

David said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jimmy said...

and.........? way to leave us hanging